my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
