My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
