When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
