There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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