Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
