So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
