he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
