kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
