I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
