I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize