his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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