i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
