i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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