Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
