I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
