im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
