i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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