Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
