My nipple is on Facebook.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
