i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
