Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
