drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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