The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
