Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
