he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Im part way to drunk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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