Duck Duck Cougar?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
