Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
