Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
