I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
