Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
two words: eviction party
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
