Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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