I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
