my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
