the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
