i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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