Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
