Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
