People in love make me want to vomit
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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