so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
we should paint friendship bongs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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