I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
