I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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