I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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