hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
