return my video game
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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