Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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