anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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