so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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