I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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