I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
