Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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