Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
