So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
