I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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