At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
is it fun? or sober?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
