I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
