I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why can't burritos get me drunk
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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