Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
