yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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