sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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