the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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