if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
