why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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