her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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