Ambien. No doubt about it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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