Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
