She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we made out on top of his cat.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Boobs speak an international language.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
