Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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