someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
