rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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