so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
