i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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