She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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