He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
