Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
